How to Shrink Your Face

January 2, 2009 at 9:50 am

The other day, a friend was telling me about how women in Korea are so concerned about the width of their face that they’ll pay a doctor to shave down their jawbone. It freaked me out, but then I remembered that Japanese women are also pretty ‘adventuresome’ when it comes to trying to decrease their face size.

Here are some of my favorite methods:
• Sing a song

Many Japanese feel that strong jaw muscles contribute to a thinner face. But as most people would agree, Japanese isn’t a very jaw-intensive language. (If you don’t believe me, ask a Japanese person to pronounce “right” and “light.”) So for $20 you can buy a CD containing four songs that’ll help work out those troublesome areas around the mouth, cheeks and even the eyes. One song is titled “Hello! Beauty Face.” Another is called “Ko gan rin kin sa kitto,” which doesn’t have any meaning, but try saying it three times fast.

• Wear a mask
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I never thought beauty would end up looking like a serial murderer, but here you have it, a rubber mask you wear while taking a hot bath. It’s sort of like a Bikram yoga class because for less work you’re theoretically sweating out more fatty lipids. Just don’t scare your boyfriend away.

• Bite on a Stick
small-face

Like the wings of a bird, the longer you hold on the farther you’ll go. Just bite down on the silicon mouthpiece and let it flutter. The up and down motion will put your muscles to work, and if that’s not successful at least you’ll have a nice stirring stick for your morning coffee.

• Wear a Big Hat

It’s a quick fix, but at least it works.

It’s always fun hearing all the interesting ways women stay beautiful. It can be as simple as drinking a nutritional supplement or as odd as spreading bird poop on your face. Of course, the above methods are some of the latter. It just goes to show how overzealous some of us can be. Though personally speaking, what’s wrong with a wide face?

Himawari

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